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TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG
Dear God: Is it on purpose our names are the same,
only reversed?
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but
seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your
couch? Or is it still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar,
the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and
the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog? How often do
you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride!
Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the
'Chrysler Beagle'?
Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest
and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog?
Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal
instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers,
beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and
Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are,
will I have to apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the
things I must remember to be a good Dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it
or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs,
etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear
when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an
unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when
I'm under the coffee table
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately
drag my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room
and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play
with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a
good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my
testicles back
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